STEPHANIE SALTER: You want your fix in pill form or straight from the syringe?

By Stephanie Salter
The Tribune-Star

TERRE HAUTE January 26, 2008 10:31 pm

— How does it feel to be a junkie among the biggest group of addicts in history?
Even if you wanted to kick the jones you couldn’t. Where in the entire nation would you go to get clean, let alone stay clean? Some hippie commune in the wilds of Oregon?
Seventy percent of the United States economy relies on consumer spending. Baby, you haven’t got a prayer of getting this monkey off your back.
If you ever thought you did, take a look at the bipartisan “economic stimulus package” the White House and the House of Representatives have pronounced acceptable. What a victory.
A country that is wobbling under individual and government debt is going to remedy the situation by handing out one-time infusions of cash to taxpayers and businesses so they will … spend it as quickly as possible.
A national economy that has been knee-capped by its own investor greed and atrocious federal oversight of mortgage lending practices breathlessly awaits relief from an interest rate cut by the Federal Reserve that will make borrowing … easier.
While the wages of all but the wealthiest Americans have stagnated or shrunk, the cost of living has done what it always does — continued to rise. The bipartisan answer: Keep spending.
Unless, of course, you happen to be staring at the end of your unemployment benefits or trying to stretch a book of food stamps. The president of the United States views aid in those areas as big-government, tax-and-spend, mushy-Democrat stuff.
Majority though they may be, the Democrats can’t seem to muster a righteous defense.
Perhaps this will help you to understand: Government bailouts are for Wall Street, big business and the banking industry, not for men and women in danger of losing their jobs, health insurance or homes.
Still confused?
Try this simple formula: Capitalism for the poor, socialism for the rich.
With no 12-step program to enable recovery from our national addiction, it’s wise to simply stop struggling. Accept and admit that you are powerless over your consumerism and try to follow these 12 steps to serene surrender.
1. Pull out and throw away the account balance portion of your checkbook or stay out of your online accounting program. These are aggravating reminders that you may not have enough income to pay for your finance abuse. If you get charged for an overdraft, put it on a credit card.
2. Never look at the remaining balance on your (a) home mortgage, (b) kids’ college costs, (c) car loan(s) and (d) credit card(s).
3. Resist any temptation to pay off your credit card balances each month — or ever. Just continue to make the minimum payment on each of them and skip the small-print about current interest rates.
4. Stop — right now — trying to budget for inevitable increases in gasoline, heating oil, natural gas, electricity, water, etc.
5. Pay no attention to any home foreclosures in your neighborhood or social circle. Tell yourself that it is the fault of the people who have lost their house. It is what they deserve for believing whoever told them they could have poor credit and still buy a home.
6. Quit reading or listening to news stories about mass layoffs at any and all U.S. corporations. What can you — one person — do to save 1,000 jobs at some pharmaceutical company or textile operation? Tell yourself this is what those fired employees deserve for clinging to old-economy notions like job stability.
7. If you feel ill, have a few drinks or go shopping. Avoid as long as you possibly can a visit to a doctor’s office or hospital. If you must seek medical care, immediately charge it to the credit card with the lowest balance in your wallet.
8. Apply for and use every credit card offer you receive in the mail. With an incurable addiction to consumer spending, you can never have too many cards.
9. When your federal tax rebate check arrives in May, June or whenever, DO NOT deposit it in any kind of savings account if you still somehow have one. Further, DO NOT allow the check to sit on a desk or kitchen counter for more than 24 hours. The bipartisan economic stimulus package is dependent on every rebate going right back into the consumer stream, a.s.a.p.
10. As you spend your rebate on clothing, food, electronic gadgets, entertainment, cosmetics, weekend getaways, etc., it would be nice if you tried to direct the money toward U.S.-owned enterprises or U.S.-made items. Because these things are in increasingly short supply, however, feel free to quell any guilt pangs with the knowledge that it is Americans who are stocking our shelves with all those Chinese-manufactured goods.
11. Under no circumstances should you use any portion of your tax rebate check to pay down a credit card balance. That is like flushing perfectly good dope down a toilet (see Step 3). In fact, the best approach is to use a credit card now to purchase whatever you think you might buy with your rebate check in a few months. Then buy something else when the money really comes.
12. Follow the above 11 steps as faithfully as you can. Then read the quote below, unearthed last week by economist Paul Krugman. When you can read it aloud without the slightest qualm, you will be on the road to recovery from any dangerous — and futile — desire to kick the national addiction:
“We have always known that heedless self-interest was bad morals. We know now that it is bad economics.”
Tell yourself that Franklin D. Roosevelt said that back before they invented flat-screen, high-definition televisions or Visa cards. What could he have known about our pain?
Stephanie Salter can be reached at (812) 231-4229 or stephanie.salter@tribstar.com.