Special to the Tribune-Star
I never watched Hannah Montana on TV. She was the darling of the sub-teens doing those things that pre-teens could not do. She was a cute, young girl and blessed with a certain amount of talent. But here’s the rub … she was a nice girl.
The actress who portrayed Hannah Montana could have ridden this franchise into old age, if the Disney studio had been smart enough to understand the franchise. It could have been done like MGM Studios handled the Andy Hardy story: Andy is in high school; Andy goes to college; Andy gets a job, etc., etc. Mickey Rooney was pressing 30 by the time the Andy Hardy stories stopped and, like a lot of patriotic Americans, joined the Army to serve his country. Even that could have added to the franchise, but I don’t remember it happening.
The same thing could have happened here: Hannah Montana goes to college; Hannah Montana gets engaged; Hannah Montana gets married, etc. Miley Cyrus had her eyes on some other goal and her ambitions set on becoming a punk rocker trying to show the recording industry, dominated by rap artists, that she could be “bad.” Really bad. Really, really bad.
Having seen this appear on the news shows and such, I would say that Miley is cute enough to take the place of Lady Gaga and Madonna, but let’s face it … it just looked like Hannah Montana trying too hard to be naughty. She tore off all of her clothes, rode a wrecking ball without clothes, cut her hair short, and stuck a very long tongue out for the entire world to see. Gee whiz, Hannah, or Miley, didn’t anyone ever tell you that you have a long and ugly tongue? Even sans clothing, seeing your tongue didn’t help anything. It didn’t make you look “bad,” but it sure added to the ugliness of the entire situation.
But here’s how it works, folks. This cute young lady who mesmerized pre-teens for years got what she wanted … a number one song and all of the infamous glory any rap star has ever had. It has made her infamous and even more famous than when she was the teenager on TV with the cute name.
Hannah, or Miley, this writer is too old to care about you. But just for the record, honey, you don’t need to tear your clothes off to be cute or pretty and that ugly tongue hanging almost to your knees, even if you paint it red, white, and blue, is never going to be a thing of beauty. In case you don’t get the drift, it’s unpleasant to look at, and it makes you unpleasant to look at, too.
Remember, one of these days you’re going to be as old as I am and nobody, but I mean nobody, will want to gaze upon you sans your clothing.
Ronn Mott, a longtime radio personality in Terre Haute, writes commentaries for the Tribune-Star. His pieces are published online Tuesday and Thursday on Tribstar.com, and in the print and online editions on Saturday.