Published: November 23, 2009 09:22 pm         

Classifieds both interesting, and good for a laugh

One of the first things I turn to when I open The Tribune-Star every morning is the comics. That is, I look for the comics provided they are not in the sports section which my Best Friend claims as his selection of choice.

Then, if I’m not listed in the obituaries, I turn to the classified ads.

The classified seldom disappoint. You find the gamut of emotions there — from a plea of would-be parents wanting to adopt “your baby” to the pathos of “free pets to good homes.” Then there are all sorts of things for sale. The other morning I could choose from a pair of snakeskin cowboy boots (too big) or 15 pounds of “squirrel corn.” I assume that was corn to feed squirrels and not a new species of corn. There was also a high-powered camera dating from the pre-digital era, but I thought that expensive, especially since I always forget to take a camera.

Weekend ads for garage sales piques my interest, but I always pass. I do not need any more “stuff.” It would be a good idea if I held a garage sale of my own to pare down on the excess, but it’s too much work to price and hang around all day hoping for patrons.

I’m in the same boat with auctions. What would I do with more stuff and where would I put it?

Another fun thing to do with classifieds is to try to match up the lost and found items. If there’s a lost dog, I comb the found section to see if anyone is looking for the owner of that specific breed. Sometimes there is a match. I wonder if I should call, but have to assume that the bereaved owner scans the lost pet ads with even more anxiety than I do.

Or it’s even more dramatic than the loss of a pet, even one requiring medication. Recently someone lost a truck — or maybe it was stolen. A reward was offered for information leading to the recovery of the truck, but I couldn’t help.

There was even a brief item about a lost cow! I told my Best Friend that maybe the cow wasn’t really lost — maybe it had just jumped the fence, thumbed a ride to Hollywood and hoped to make it as a contestant on “Dancing with the Steers!”

He was not amused. He sighed and handed me the comics!