COUPON: Sometimes Mother’s Day is just the ‘frosting on the cake’

By Sue Loughlin
The Tribune-Star

TERRE HAUTE May 09, 2009 11:39 pm

— Before Tara Williams scheduled a Mother’s Day fundraiser to benefit the Family Service Association, she cleared it with her own mom, who lives two hours away in Illinois.
Williams, the agency’s executive director, already knew what the answer would be.
Her 74-year-old mom, Carolyn Sue Hulsey, understands the importance of what Williams does at FSA, a nonprofit, United Way agency that provides counseling and life education to strengthen and preserve families.
Those services are especially important in today’s difficult economy.
Williams’ mom e-mailed her the following response: “We’ve had many Mother’s Days together, and every day in between has been what every mom should have with her children. I know you have and will continue to make this true for other mothers and their children if you’re allowed to do so. We’ll celebrate Mother’s Day another Sunday. I love you.”
Williams says, “I’m a lucky girl.”
The two have a close relationship based on mutual love and respect.
“I absolutely adore her,” Williams said Friday. “She’s been the rock in my life and in my brother’s life as well.”
Her mom taught her integrity and responsibility. Hulsey set boundaries for her children, assigned them chores and expected them to make good grades in school.
Williams, now 54, grew up on a family farm, and back in those days, they didn’t have a lot of money for material goods.
Her mother taught her that “what mattered was food, clothing, shelter and love, and that was all you needed,” Williams said.
Hulsey is quite proud of her daughter and son but reluctant to take credit for their accomplishments.
“I was the portal through which they entered this world,” she said with a ready sense of humor. Her son, Kelley Hulsey, is a master sergeant with the Illinois State Police.
Hulsey said she’s always had a close relationship with her daughter. “From the time the child’s been able to talk, she’s been responsible. I can count on her for anything, anytime I need something,” Hulsey said.
Mother and daughter typically talk on the phone several times a week.
Hulsey doesn’t really know the key to their successful mother-daughter relationship. “If I knew that, I’d bottle it and sell it. I think it’s the luck of the draw,” she said.
Her daughter did learn responsibility at an early age. When Williams was 13, she had to take care of her 4-year-old brother while her parents worked on the family farm. It wasn’t unusual for Carolyn and her husband, Dale, to work 18-hour days. “Sometimes I’d come in and Tara would have supper ready,” said Hulsey, who’s been married to her husband for 58 years.
Williams remembers her mom teaching her how to read at age four. Her mom also taught her the importance of integrity. Hulsey told her, “You have nothing in this world except your word — that’s one thing no one can take away from you.”
Her mother told her it’s important to always keep her word and to tell the truth so that others will trust her.
Another reason not to bend the truth, her mom advised, is because “when you’re old, you won’t be able to keep your lies straight.”
Her mother values history and the family has a restored pioneer cabin on their Illinois property. Williams also describes her mom as a “flora/fauna nut” who loves wildlife, plants and trees and “has gardens you wouldn’t believe.”
By the time Williams was age 6 or 7, her mom had taught her the name of every tree, flower, butterfly and bird on their property. “It was so much fun,” she remembers.
Williams believes today will be the first Mother’s Day she doesn’t spend with her mom. While it hurts a little, they’ll get together another time, she said.
The key to their closeness, she said, is that “we love each other and respect each other very deeply as human beings as well as mother and child.”
Hulsey said she won’t be saddened by her daughter’s absence today; Williams is always there for her when she needs her. “Mother’s Day is like frosting on the cake,” Hulsey said. “Every day is Mother’s Day for me.”
Sue Loughlin can be reached at (812) 231-4235 or sue.loughlin@tribstar.com