News From Terre Haute, Indiana

December 18, 2013

Readers’ Forum: Dec. 19, 2013

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Christmas spirit slipping away

Dear Santa Pence,

I looked into my Christmas stocking and it’s empty. I don’t believe that any of the money given to my landlord by the property cap elves ever trickled into in my stocking. I can’t be sure. Some money may have fallen through the ever-growing sales tax hole in the toe, and fee moths spawned locally have been eating everything. Still, you’re my hope for a bright future.

                   — Your servant, Joe



Dear Santa Pence,

I know you’re trying your best, but my stocking is more lifeless than a House Democrat. The inventory tax goblins were never interested in my empty stocking,, so firing them didn’t help. My employer speaks well of the corporate income tax reduction fairies, but I have never seen one. My children refuse to accept an empty stocking, whether or not it’s infested with estate tax imps. Still, you’re my hope for a bright future.

— Your faithful servant, Joe



Dear Santa Pence,

My stocking has disappeared altogether. It seems that the impending death of personal property tax pixies opened a black hole. I’m told that my stocking was clinging to the local high school when both were sucked out of sight. Still, you’re my hope for a bright future.

    — Your adoring and

    faithful servant, Joe



Dear Governor Pence,

Joe is unable to continue his correspondence at this time. We have determined that he has lost all touch with reality and must be confined. However, he will be released soon when our facility loses its remaining funding.

— Hoosier Happiness Facility.

— Jim Hughes

Terre Haute